We all probably have gotten into relationships that, if we had the chance to do over again, would have handled them differently, or perhaps not gotten into them in the first place. The title of this piece is the title of a Country music song which, when I see it, reminds me of my first wife (I have been married twice so far).
My first wife is one who wants things to be her way, and who does not seem to tolerate disagreement gracefully. I don't recall this being an issue before the wedding, but it definitely became an issue after the wedding, and I eventually left, which she also did not handle well. She is, quite simply, a very angry person.
We had a daughter during the relationship. She is now 30 years old, married, happy and successful, and I am very proud of her.
At the rehearsal for my daughter's wedding, I thought it would be polite and appropriate to be civil with my ex-wife. When I said "hello" to her, and she ignored me, I knew that the passage of time had done nothing to change her attitude. When our daughter was growing up, and we were dealing with visitation, I found that my ex-wife would only talk to me if she wanted something. It appears that this continues today; she has not spoken to me since our daughter was in college about 10 years ago.
To give you an idea of how prickly she can be, my ex-wife has a twin sister. Sometime before my daughter's wedding, the two of them had a disagreement over something. My ex-wife stopped talking to her twin sister, and, as far as I know, has not spoken to her since then (it has been about 5 years). My daughter has ended up being the intermediary between them.
Unfortunately, one can only compromise with someone who is willing to compromise. If he or she is not, your only options are to give in (and be miserable), leave, or get into a fight which will have unpleasant results. I have no interest in doing 25-to-life, so leaving (and having her be angry with me for 30 years) was the best choice.
There are a multitude of coping mechanisms, and I have chosen repression as the primary one I use to deal with my first marriage. If you were to ask me when I got married, what was the church, who was the best man or maid of honor, or how long I was married before the divorce, I couldn't answer any of those questions and am not the least bit distressed that I can't. I also don't have any photos from the wedding. It may or may not be the healthiest way to deal with the situation, but it works for me.
I am not angry with my ex-wife, but I choose not to be like her or to be with someone like her. I have been married for 25 years to a wonderful person, so my life has definitely gone in a better direction.
Of the two of us, I have learned to make better and healthier choices, I am definitely the luckier one.
