A Safe Place

Feeling safe is something all of us want, regardless of where we are or with whom we may be interacting. When I think of whether or not I feel safe, I often associate it with my place of work. Over the years, while they have been mostly in health care, places I have worked have varied in size from less than a dozen to ten thousand employees. In some places, you felt like part of a family, in others (the larger ones), you felt that not being noticed was preferable, especially when you saw what happened to some people around you.
Recently, I found some notes from a discussion I had  with some colleagues who were talking about safe vs. unsafe places. In a safe place, one would see:
- Basic needs are met
- Love is freely given and received.
- The opportunity is given to grow to maturity.
- Trust abounds.
- People are free to serve one another.
- Emotions are expressed freely.
- Relationships are strong and healthy.
When I think of these things, I think of my family and friends, as well as places I have worked where I felt valued and respected. It can equally apply to countries, churches, schools, clubs, or social groups.
I think we all have places we view as safe and tend to try to be there when we can.
Here is what the group thought were the hallmarks of an unsafe place:
- Dictatorial leaders are not accountable to anyone.
- Abuse (emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual, or verbal) remains unrecognized, unchallenged, or
  undefeated.
- People are in pain.
- People are routinely made to feel blame or shame.
- An "us" vs. "them" mentality exists; both insiders and outsiders are negatively labeled.
- People are punished in a way that seems out of proportion to their typical, human mistakes.
- Manipulation of people is common.
- Major secrets are kept from those who are not in leadership positions; information is purposefully
  withheld that could be beneficial.
- Everyone walks on eggshells in fear of becoming an object of abuse.
When I think of unsafe places in my experience, one of the places where I have worked readily comes to mind. Lying and deceit were common traits among some of the leadership, and I was impressed with the skill of some people to mistreat others while appearing to be "Good" leaders. One of my colleagues shared with me an example of the leadership culture in this place where the Senior VP of Nursing ordered her to lie to the Chairman of her department, and the Chairman ordered her to lie to the Senior VP of Nursing (my colleague eventually ended up leaving and going to work someplace else). I also ended up leaving because I felt it was an unsafe place and not likely to change anytime soon.
While there are plenty of problems in the world and more than a few unpleasant people, hopefully all of us have identified someone one or some place that helps us to feel safe, and which helps us to tolerate all of the things out there that we may not like but also can't avoid or change. I know I have.

Non Illegitimi Carborundum

The title of this piece is the personal slogan of the late General Joseph "Vinegar Joe" Stilwell. Roughly translated: "Don't let the bastards grind you down." We face many stressors in everyday life: long commutes, family conflicts, financial stressors, imperfect health, bad weather, to name some. For many who I know, loss of a job is a recent stressor. Whatever you want to call it: reduction in force, work redesign, or re-engineering; I have lost my job three times over the years to this, and it is never easy nor pleasant.
Many of my co-workers are now facing this trial in a process that, to many, does not seem to follow any rational stream of logic. Regardless of why it is being done the way it is being done, the people who are effected are faced with the choice of trying to do what they can to stay on or walking away. I have spoken to several who are on the "RIF List" and the vast majority are angry and feel devalued. One day, they are working hard to contribute to the success of the organization, they next day they are told they can (and are) being replaced by nothing. Even if asked to come back, many have said they would never do so because of how they felt they were treated. It is doubly sad because many of these people have the skills, knowledge, experience, and compassion that is so desperately needed to rebuild what has been lost.
Although the idea of being out of a job is daunting, opportunities exist. You may take a job that pays less but that does not involve a long commute. You may take a job you don't really like, but it pays the bills while you continue to look for a job you might like more. Work doesn't have to be pleasant, it just needs to be tolerable; and there is more to life than just work.
Keep in mind that the people making the decisions about who has a job and who doesn't  probably don't know most of us as individuals and probably don't care. Making decisions like this can be difficult for some, but thinking that we are just a number is easier to believe from our perspective.
Those who are choosing to walk away and take a different path have my respect for their willingness to take a risk and try something different. Vinegar Joe would approve.