A Safe Place

Feeling safe is something all of us want, regardless of where we are or with whom we may be interacting. When I think of whether or not I feel safe, I often associate it with my place of work. Over the years, while they have been mostly in health care, places I have worked have varied in size from less than a dozen to ten thousand employees. In some places, you felt like part of a family, in others (the larger ones), you felt that not being noticed was preferable, especially when you saw what happened to some people around you.
Recently, I found some notes from a discussion I had  with some colleagues who were talking about safe vs. unsafe places. In a safe place, one would see:
- Basic needs are met
- Love is freely given and received.
- The opportunity is given to grow to maturity.
- Trust abounds.
- People are free to serve one another.
- Emotions are expressed freely.
- Relationships are strong and healthy.
When I think of these things, I think of my family and friends, as well as places I have worked where I felt valued and respected. It can equally apply to countries, churches, schools, clubs, or social groups.
I think we all have places we view as safe and tend to try to be there when we can.
Here is what the group thought were the hallmarks of an unsafe place:
- Dictatorial leaders are not accountable to anyone.
- Abuse (emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual, or verbal) remains unrecognized, unchallenged, or
  undefeated.
- People are in pain.
- People are routinely made to feel blame or shame.
- An "us" vs. "them" mentality exists; both insiders and outsiders are negatively labeled.
- People are punished in a way that seems out of proportion to their typical, human mistakes.
- Manipulation of people is common.
- Major secrets are kept from those who are not in leadership positions; information is purposefully
  withheld that could be beneficial.
- Everyone walks on eggshells in fear of becoming an object of abuse.
When I think of unsafe places in my experience, one of the places where I have worked readily comes to mind. Lying and deceit were common traits among some of the leadership, and I was impressed with the skill of some people to mistreat others while appearing to be "Good" leaders. One of my colleagues shared with me an example of the leadership culture in this place where the Senior VP of Nursing ordered her to lie to the Chairman of her department, and the Chairman ordered her to lie to the Senior VP of Nursing (my colleague eventually ended up leaving and going to work someplace else). I also ended up leaving because I felt it was an unsafe place and not likely to change anytime soon.
While there are plenty of problems in the world and more than a few unpleasant people, hopefully all of us have identified someone one or some place that helps us to feel safe, and which helps us to tolerate all of the things out there that we may not like but also can't avoid or change. I know I have.