Giving Birth to a Flaming Porcupine

As nurses, we are supposed to assess pain in our patients and provide "pain management". An important aspect of this task is trying to quantify the pain. In hospitals, scales to quantify pain have included the venerable "0-10 Scale" with 0 being pain-free and 10 being agony to such a degree that death would almost be welcome. Some places use the "faces" scale with an illustration of a face with a big smile for pain-free to one with a big frown at the other end of the spectrum. In working with people with cognitive impairments, the experts say to look for signs of pain, such as facial grimacing, guarding (drawing away from touch), moaning or yelling, etc. While this may be better than nothing, "We can do better".
Thinking outside the box, I would like to introduce the "Mitchell Pain Scale for People Who Don't Like Pain Scales" (copyright 2013). Going from pain-free to most severe pain, the scale includes:
- Eating your favorite Ben & Jerry's
- A paper cut
- Getting hit in the head by a dodgeball thrown by your mother
- Your laxative has kicked in
- Your ex-wife is squeezing your nuts
- Giving birth to a flaming porcupine
Although the scale in in beta and still needs reliability and validity testing, I think things are off to a good start. Five options is probably not enough, so please send me your suggestions to add to flesh things out. Be as descriptive as you can and let me know where you recommend it be on the scale. You are also welcome to submit alternate titles for the scale (maybe the "Flaming Porcupine Scale" would have more acceptance).
Who knows? Working together, we may come up with the biggest advance in health care in the last 50 years. Put on your thinking caps, and thanks for your help.