Sunday, December 22, 2013

Never hate your enemies; it affects your judgment

The title of this piece is a quote from Michael Corleone in the Godfather movie trilogy. "Hate" is a term that is deeply infused into our culture, but little thought about, especially in the context used by Don Michael.
Every day, we say things like "I hate to tell you this..." or "I hate to be late", but, do we truly hate either? To me, "hate" brings with it such a strong emotional reaction that needs to be dialed back in most situations. For example, I can think of a couple of people for whom I worked in the past who mistreated me through abuse of their power. I can say that I dislike them, have no respect for them, and think they are assholes, but I don't say I hate them because they are simply not worth the energy I would want to assign to something I hate. To me, hating something takes time and effort, and most things simply don't deserve the energy expenditure. I would also be concerned that, like Michael Corleone, I might over-react or do or say something I would later regret. I am much better off saying that I don't like something, or don't attach any importance to it (like the Real Housewives of New Jersey).
There is good behavior and bad behavior, in varying degrees of each, in all of us. Fortunately, most of us tend to lean toward good behavior, but the potential to stray is always there. What keeps us from behaving badly? I could say that it's illegal, my parents taught me better, I would be embarrassed at what others might think, that I would not want to deal with negative consequences, etc. While there is still plenty of bad behavior out there, it is not something I would deliberately do, and I would not want to allow my emotions (including anger) to allow me to be rude, vindictive, or abusive. I am fortunate that my self-control is above average and, when it wavers, there are generally people around me who can point this out to me and keep me from doing something foolish or illegal.
I am also fortunate in being able to look back upon people who may have treated me badly and to be able to think that they may be bullies and assholes, but I do not hate them; they aren't worth the effort.