Friday, January 11, 2013

At least they didn't have to buy tickets

For those of you who are not aware, Darwin Awards are given to someone who does the gene pool a big favor by getting himself killed in a creative way. Here is the story of two past winners:

(The late) John Pernicky and (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers between them) they thought it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John (100 pounds heavier than Sal) to hop over and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a group of bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, John crashed below into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now, being without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity (now THAT has GOT to hurt). To make matters worse, his pocket knife fell with him and landed three inches into his left thigh.
Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken state, Sal put the truck into reverse rather than first, and crashed through the fence, which landed on and killed his friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries, and died at the scene.
Police arrived to find the pickup truck with the driver thrown several feet from the truck. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half naked, with scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet above him.
Congratulations, gentlemen.

No comments:

Post a Comment