Thursday, February 13, 2014

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The title of this piece is a response given by Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War to a member of Congress who had accused him of being dishonest. Where does the term "two-faced" come from? One possible origin is the Roman god Janus, illustrations of which showed an individual with two faces looking in opposite directions. Supposedly, statements made by one face were opposite from the other.
Unfortunately, in today's world, truth is endangered. We live in a world of outright lies, partial truths, and "failures to disclose" where someone could tell you something true but chooses to say nothing instead. Of the three, my preference is failure to disclose. In my job, I am sometimes privy to information that can be somewhat unpopular. I may be "simple folk", but I think lying is wrong, and it is always preferable to say "I am not free to discuss this" rather than tell a whopper. Some of my former bosses had no problem with lying, but it lead to a lack of trust and, often, the assumption that much of what you were being told was untrue. It's not the formula for a good working relationship. Amazingly, though, these individuals are able to survive quite well in the corporate structure. I must be doing things wrong, but I can at least look in a mirror and see only one face.
Years ago, I was advised by someone that, if I wanted to get ahead, I needed to basically be a phony. This occurred when I was sitting down with my boss for my annual evaluation. She was quite a chameleon; I was never able to figure out what her true personality was. It appeared to work quite well for her until, one day, she was fired and gone.
While there are many out there who would not hesitate to climb over a pile of bodies to get to the top, I have no such aspirations. I know I will never get to be Vice President of anything, and that's OK with me. Being moderately successful is enough. No one will ever accuse me of being two-faced, and what more could I ask?

Sunday, February 9, 2014

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

The title of this piece is a quote from Clint Eastwood. While Clint may not be an eminent philosopher, what he says makes a lot of sense about the world if one thinks about it. "Guarantee" is a word that is not as widely used as it once was. Back in the day, products and services were guaranteed. Clothes would fit, shoes would hold up under heavy use, cars would run reliably, planes would arrive on time. Now, our vocabulary has evolved to use the term "warranty" which seems much less definite and more time-limited. Many items that you might buy don't even have a warranty.
One of my favorite businesses, which still uses the term Guarantee, is LL Bean. The founder, Leon Leonwood Bean, said to treat people as human beings, give them good products at a reasonable price, and they'll be back. The only fault I can find with the company is that, sometimes, an item is out of stock and back ordered. That being said, it you buy something from them, it is guaranteed to work or fit as expected. If not, they will fix it, replace it, or refund your money without question or hassle.
While businesses and organizations my strive to "do the right thing", there are varying degrees of success. The downfall for many is that, while you may have the best of intentions, you have to rely upon other people to help get the job done, and they may not share in your work ethic. Put yourself in a situation in which you are, for example, trying to get a project done but, in order to do so, you need information from someone else. No matter how motivated you might be, if the other person does not get what is needed to you in a timely manner, you don't succeed. If I am solely responsible for the outcome, I do whatever is needed to get the job done, hopefully correctly, and on time. When relying upon others, my desire is till there, but I am reluctant to promise the same results.
I was recently asked by an individual if I would guarantee something. I responded that, even though I would like to, I could not because I had to rely upon others for the end result. It's like making a promise on behalf of someone else; it's just not a good idea.
So, we live in a world that has evolved to limit our expectations, at least I most cases. People upon whom you rely to do something may call in sick, items you need may be delayed in delivery, plans may be made by people who don't have to actually do the work to make the project successful. Today, giving something your best effort is, in a lot of cases, the best that can be expected. Don't ask Clint, or me, for a guarantee.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Never hate your enemies; it affects your judgment

The title of this piece is a quote from Michael Corleone in the Godfather movie trilogy. "Hate" is a term that is deeply infused into our culture, but little thought about, especially in the context used by Don Michael.
Every day, we say things like "I hate to tell you this..." or "I hate to be late", but, do we truly hate either? To me, "hate" brings with it such a strong emotional reaction that needs to be dialed back in most situations. For example, I can think of a couple of people for whom I worked in the past who mistreated me through abuse of their power. I can say that I dislike them, have no respect for them, and think they are assholes, but I don't say I hate them because they are simply not worth the energy I would want to assign to something I hate. To me, hating something takes time and effort, and most things simply don't deserve the energy expenditure. I would also be concerned that, like Michael Corleone, I might over-react or do or say something I would later regret. I am much better off saying that I don't like something, or don't attach any importance to it (like the Real Housewives of New Jersey).
There is good behavior and bad behavior, in varying degrees of each, in all of us. Fortunately, most of us tend to lean toward good behavior, but the potential to stray is always there. What keeps us from behaving badly? I could say that it's illegal, my parents taught me better, I would be embarrassed at what others might think, that I would not want to deal with negative consequences, etc. While there is still plenty of bad behavior out there, it is not something I would deliberately do, and I would not want to allow my emotions (including anger) to allow me to be rude, vindictive, or abusive. I am fortunate that my self-control is above average and, when it wavers, there are generally people around me who can point this out to me and keep me from doing something foolish or illegal.
I am also fortunate in being able to look back upon people who may have treated me badly and to be able to think that they may be bullies and assholes, but I do not hate them; they aren't worth the effort.

Friday, November 22, 2013

When you take a look around this place, medical school can't be all that hard.

I started working in hospitals in 1973, when I was still in high school. The experience over the years has provided exposure to me of hundreds of doctors and thousands of nurses. Like any profession, one can experience the entire spectrum of skill and competency, from world-class to "they should be in jail".
Fortunately my good experiences have far outnumbered the bad, but the negatives tend to be better remembered, much like you would  remember a clerk in a store more clearly than you would a polite one. In my early years as a nurse, I found that surgeons (or at least the majority of those I met) were extremely entitled "because we make money for this place and you don't". In one hospital where I worked, the Medical Records Department had refreshments available to entice them to show up and finish incomplete medical records. The physicians never worried about having their privileges suspended, because they were needed to be on-call.
I recall another physician who had totally illegible handwriting. It was basically a squiggle broken up to imply words. The hospital got denied payment from insurance companies because they could not read his handwriting. One would think the hospital would require him to write legibly but, even though he was an ass, he was an ass that generated a lot of revenue, so he was disinclined to straighten up. In the end, the hospital provided a person to take his dictation and type up his documentation for him to sign.
I found that working with physicians who had privileges, rather than being employees of the hospital, could sometimes be a challenge. They came into the hospital to see the patients on their service, and were gone by lunchtime to their offices to see patients in their private practice. If you needed them to come back to the hospital for anything, they simply wouldn't do it, but were more then willing to provide orders you might need over the telephone. I recall one physician I worked with when I was a staff nurse who, when I would call him at night, was always drunk. Before I called him, I prepared a list of what I needed. I would then call him and go through the list. His response was always "fine" and he would hang up the phone.
I have to admit that I would never want to be a physician. What one has to learn to graduate from medical school is staggering. After that comes a multi-year residency. This is an opportunity for new doctors to not only apply the knowledge from medical school, but to also expand and refine that knowledge. While residency gets better as it progresses, the beginning can be extremely stressful. You could always tell the new residents by the amount of "stuff" in the pockets of their lab coat (stethoscope, flashlight, reflex hammer, numerous reference books, etc.) compared to the senior resident, who only carried a pen in his shirt pocket. Today, with the advances in electronics, the reference books are gone, so the difference in what they carry is a bit less.
Where many young physicians get in trouble is being able to apply their knowledge in a practical and safe way. They have learned the subject material in school, they have passed the exam, but now they have to be able to use it to care for patients.
Enter Rachel. Rachel was a nurse in the Emergency Department at the hospital where I worked at the time and who had been one of my mentors. She was older ("seasoned" is probably the preferred term) who tolerated me because I was there to learn from her and took advantage of her wisdom and experience. Many new residents, on the other hand, thought they knew everything, and did not seek advice from Rachel and others when it would have been extremely prudent to do so.
While most residents caught on and learned the importance of listening and collaborating, the new ones who didn't get it were sometimes an ordeal to tolerate.
The title of this piece is a quote from Rachel when a new crop of residents started in July, and she was exposed to some know-it-alls. I think we have all be exposed to individuals at one time or another who have impressive academic credentials, but it really doesn't matter because they can't think their way out of a paper bag. Another one of my favorite quotes from Rachel: "Those two couldn't diagnose a decapitation."
From my perspective, I am less focused on the letters after someone's name; I really don't care what degrees or certifications they have. To me, the most important thing is that you know their job and do it well. That's how you avoid Rachel's wrath.

Monday, November 11, 2013

People have every right to send me letters, and I have every right not to read them.

The title of this piece is a quote from the author William Faulkner. While I am not a fan of his work, I can certainly appreciate his curmudgeonly attitude toward unwanted communication. We live in a world in which we are bombarded with emails, phone calls, and snail mail from people and organizations that don't have a clue who we but who would be glad to have our business.
While I welcome hearing from people I know, I sometimes get a tad bit annoyed with the other intrusions upon my solitude. My home email address must have been sold to a bunch of people and organizations. I get unwanted emails for free credit reports, jobs (I didn't know Jiffy Lube was interested in me), teeth whitening, gym memberships (one of the last things on earth I would buy), romantic getaways, waffle makers, laser treatments for hair loss, cordless electric knives, and a host of other things that make me glad my laptop has a "delete" button.
Unfortunately, there appears to be no way to totally escape these unwanted intrusions, but I have learned some ways to reduce the annoyance. When I bring in the mail, I go through it while I am next to the recycle container. I always tear up credit card applications (my name and address are pre-printed on the applications). Anything from an insurance company that is not the one I use goes into the recycle container. Catalogues from places I never patronize go in as well. Advertisements for replacement windows, siding, trash collection, etc., never make it any further. It is a shame to think about all of those trees  dying for nothing, but at least things get recycled, so it is not a total waste.
For telephone calls, I have found that registering for the "Do Not Call" list is of limited value, since non-profits are exempt, and many hire professional fundraisers, whom I detest. Almost all of them, though, use computers which dial multiple phone numbers simultaneously. When someone answers, the solicitor connects and starts the pitch. When I answer the phone and hear nothing, I know it is a telephone solicitor, so I hang up before the computer connects me. I don't know how many "worthy causes" I am missing the opportunity to support, but I am OK with the loss.
My email has a "Junk Mail" option which adds the email sender to a list of email addresses that are blocked, but I have not found this to be totally effective (it seems like some of them use multiple email addresses). One thing I have found helpful if to look at the bottom of the emails for a link to "unsubscribe". Clicking on this either instantly takes me off their list or does so within ten days, and I am finding fewer unwanted emails in my in box these days.
It is a shame that I can't prevent mail, emails and phone calls that I don't want in the first place, but my recycle container and Trash folder in my emails get a workout, and we all have William Faulkner to thank for pointing out that we do not have to feel the least bit guilty about it.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Things you didn't think you needed to know...and probably don't

One of the reference books on my bookcase (next to the Australian Dictionary of Vulgarities and Obscenities) is the Book of Useless Information (an Official Publication of the Useless Information Society). You may think that reading this book is a total waste of time but, before you go that far, ask yourself, as Shakespeare did: "Just how useless is useless?"
My response to this question? Well, you just never can tell; knowing this might just come in handy some day. Then again, maybe not. Let me share a few examples, and you can decide for yourself.
- Andrew Jackson was the only president to believe that the world is flat.
- Leonardo Da Vinci spent twelve years painting the Mona Lisa's lips.
- Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
- Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.
- Christopher Columbus had blonde hair.
- Keanu Reeves's first name means "cool breeze over the mountains" in Hawaiian.
- In 1953, Marilyn Monroe appeared as the first Playboy centerfold.
- Clark Gable used to shower more than four times a day.
- Ringo Starr was born during a World War II air raid.
- The bagpipe was originally made from the whole skin of a dead sheep.
- The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA.
- Elvis loved to eat meatloaf.
- Every day, more money is printed for Monopoly  than by the U.S. Treasury.
- According to Pope Innocent III, it was not a crime to kill someone after a game of chess.
- Miss Piggy's measurements are 27-20-36.
- One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
- The characters of Bert and Ernie of Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi  driver in Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life.
- Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
- Donald Duck cartoons were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
- Because metal was scarce, Academy Awards given our during World War II were made of wood.
- Smokey the Bear's zip code is 20252.
- Keeping Warm with an Ax is the title of a real how-to book.
- Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."
- The last word in the Bible is Amen.
- Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
- The phrase "rule of thumb" comes from an old English law stating that you could not beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
- Clans long ago who wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn down their houses - hence the expression "get fired".
- The Old English word for sneeze if fneosam.
- A klazomaniac is someone who feels like shouting.
- Spat out food is called chanking.
- The oldest word in the English language is town.
- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
- November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day.
- Coca-Cola was originally green.
- Beer foam will go down if you lick your finger and then stick it in the beer.
- Peanuts are cholesterol-free. They are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
- Grapes explode when you put them in a microwave.
- There is no such thing as blue food - even blueberries are purple.
- The only food that does not spoil is honey. It is used as a center in golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures.
- A can of SPM is opened every four seconds.
- Vanilla is used to make chocolate.
- Chewing gum while peeling opinions will keep your from crying.
- Salt is the only rock humans can eat.
There are currently twenty-nine members of the Useless Information Society. Do you have a burning desire to be number thirty?

Friday, October 18, 2013

Congress: Monkeys With Guns


Even though the government shutdown is over, the trauma it created lingers on. The title of this piece comes from a description that someone I know gave to a group of individuals he was dealing with who thought they knew what they were doing but clearly didn't. I think it is also a pretty good description for Congress, a group that can be quite dangerous and destructive in their collective ignorance and ineptitude.
Whatever reason individual members of Congress may give for bringing about the government shutdown, none make any sense, and the outcome served no useful purpose. Mindless and destructive, just like the character in the picture.
Looking forward, it will be interesting to see what the next election cycle brings. I saw a poll in which 60% of the respondents said that all of Congress should be fired. It is hard to argue with that sentiment. If you or I acted like them, we would probably end up in jail.
As a result of the shutdown, will we see any changes in America's political system? I think it highly unlikely. The Monkeys With Guns who brought about the debacle in the first place would be the same ones who would need to initiate constructive change. From this buch, it's simply too much to hope for.