"Penis Envy" Enters the Presidential Campaign

Back in the mid- to late-70's, when I was studying to be a nurse, "penis envy" was one of those obscure terms (originated by Freud) that I learned but never figured I would ever have an occasion to use.
After the last Republican Presidential Debate, I have to confess that I was mistaken. Although I did not watch the televised debate (they have evolved into a version of 6-year olds arguing in the schoolyard), the accounts in the news were entertaining and informative enough. With Rubio and Trump going back and forth on this topic, my reaction was: "Really?" While part of the goal of the debate is to point out why not to vote for the other guy, another goal is to point out why someone should vote for you. I may be going out on a limb, but I don't think the size of someone's naughty bits is a reason to decide either way.
Donald Trump has proven to be pretty thin skinned, and an example of this has been his attempt to "prove" that his hair is real (I still believe it may actually be a helmet). Imagine in the next debate (or in a campaign stop somewhere) he decides to "prove" Rubio is wrong. Is that what really comes to mind when you hear the term "presidential"?
When I was in school, I worked as an orderly on weekends and school vacations in a small hospital. There was an elderly nurse (Mrs. Chickilly) who worked in the ICU and who taught me (among other things) how to say "shit in your pants" in Italian. Over the years, there have been many things (like algebra) which I have totally forgotten, but this phrase is one of the things I have always remembered, and it appears I always will. That being said, I have never found the occasion to use it in my professional career. The way the Presidential Debates are evolving, though, who knows?

A Beer and an Airline

Recently, I saw a video clip of Donald Trump spouting off his usual meaningless "stuff that people want to hear" in which he said we "aren't a country unless we have a border". I am not sure what he is thinking. Most borders between adjoining countries are relatively invisible. There may be border crossing stations, but much of the borders are invisible to the naked eye.
The idea of building a wall has been tried before and, historically, has been overall unsuccessful. Examples include the Great Wall of China, Hadrian's Wall and the Maginot line. The problem with building walls is they eventually come to an end,  and you can simply go around the end. If you are more motivated, you can also try to go over or under. The bottom line is that no country in the world has an impenetrable border, and probably never will. What is would take (money, manpower, and the willingness to inflict violence upon anyone trying to cross), is a price no one really wants to pay.
So, when the Donald says we aren't a country because we don't have a border, he is just making noise without substance.
There is more to being a country than having borders. Laws, culture, language, literature, education and industry are just a few examples. A less formal, but more realistic perspective on the topic (than Trump's) came from the late Frank Zappa:
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
Even if you don't take him the least bit seriously, it's obvious that Frank Zappa put more thought into what he said than The Donald ever will.
Vote for Frank Zappa, and have a beer.

Fourty Years and I Still Haven't Used Algebra

Thinking back, I have spent a lot of years being educated. Thirteen years for K-12 in public schools, four years of undergraduate and four part-time years of graduate school.
While I realize the intent in K-12 was to provide a "well rounded" education, there was a fair amount of time spent on stuff that has not been retained and never used. The title of this piece is one example. Algebra was a required course, but I have no recollection of how it works and have never had a need for it in my profession. I took two years of French. As a result I cannot speak, write, or follow a conversation in French. According to my brother, the only value to studying foreign languages in school was that he can now ask someone to go to bed with him in three different languages (he obviously got more out of it than I did). I took music for three years, but can't read music. In English classes, I learned to appreciate Lord of the Rings, to dislike Shakespeare, to not have any interest in poetry and to find that diagramming sentences was a total waste of time . Physics was a mystery. Shop class taught me how to use basic tools so I can hang a picture or change a washer in a faucet, but I would never try to actually build something. Others are handy; I am not.
Looking back at my teachers, I view tenure as a double-edged sword. I had a lot of teachers who cared and wanted to do a good job, and I had many who were not very motivated and could best be described as jerks. Still others such as the one math teacher I had, was very nice but his communication style was on a level that many (including me) did not comprehend what he was trying to teach. I liked him; I just didn't get what he was trying to teach.
In undergraduate school, while I majored in Nursing, I took a variety of non-Nursing courses. Among them were Sociology, Philosophy, Phys Ed (golf, tennis and bowling, none of which I have done again in over 30 years), three different chemistry courses,  and other classes whose subjects I can't even remember. While there may be pieces of these courses that I actually remember and use, the vast majority must be in part of my brain that I just don't use and, for the most part, can't access.
In graduate school, I had to take Statistics. What I took away from the class was that, if I ever needed to use statistics, I would pay someone else to do the work for me. Accounting and Managerial Finance have actually been useful because I have had to manage multi-million dollar budgets. Christian Social Principles (it was a Catholic college) taught me about ethics. Nursing Research taught me how to read a research article and differentiate between good and sloppy research. Nursing Theories taught me various theories. I found that professionally, I am eclectic in this regard; I do not embrace one single theory, but rather parts of several. Nursing concepts taught me how to examine an issue in depth. Since part of my personality is that I am very analytical, it was helpful in structuring my thinking.
Overall, there has been a lot of "stuff" poured into my brain over the years. Some of it has been helpful to what I do today, some has been "nice to know" and some has been a colossal waste of time. Over the years, my brain has learned to retain and use what I need, to know where to look for things I might need, and to forget a lot of the useless stuff. I also separate work from pleasure. I enjoy history and trivia. I can discuss the Battle of Rourke's Drift (the British won) or tell you what famous entertainer died while sitting on the toilet (Elvis). It all boils down to knowing what you need to know for work and what you want to know for the rest (and Algebra is not one of them).

Hold my beer

This past week, on our vacation to Acadia, my wife and daughter and I were enjoying a picnic lunch on the granite ledges above the shore between Sand Beach and the Otter Cliffs. I spotted two men (in the photo above) near the shore, and their behavior gave a hint of some excitement to come.

Let me start by saying that the rangers had posted signs saying "Dangerous Surf" and "Use Extreme Caution". A few years back, a 12-year old girl had been washed off the rocks nearby and was killed, so the warnings were not to be taken lightly.

The man on the right in the photo was in a typical photographer's pose with the camera held in front of him, but was also motioning to his companion to move closer to the water, where the waves were breaking over the rocks along the shore.

I was imagining the account in the newspaper about the man being washed off the rocks, with the usual descriptor "and alcohol was involved". As you can imagine, the wet rocks were quite slippery, and, while we watched, he slipped on the wet rock and landed face down. Miraculously, he did not end up getting washed off the rock, but whatever he was holding in his right hand (cell phone? beer?) was apparently broken or spilled.

He was able to regain his feet and did not appear to be injured. After this apparent near-death experience, one would think that the two of them would move away from the surf to a safer location. You would be wrong. The photographer was again motioning to his companion to move closer to the surf, and his buddy was doing so. I don't know if they were disinhibited or stupid or both, but it did not look like it was going to end well.

How did it end? We didn't stay to see how it worked out. We had finished lunch and decided to continue our sightseeing, entertaining though this was. I am assuming that, since I didn't see anything on the local television news about someone being drowned in the high surf, that nothing bad happened, but it's possible the photographer did not want to try to explain an incident that started with "Hold my beer."

 

I don't understand electricity, but I know it calms me

The title is a quote from comedian Emo Phillips, and is used to illustrate that there are a lot of things in life we may not understand, and it's OK. Brains function differently. Some people are voracious learners, some remember seemingly everything, some can explain any conundrum, and some are just clueless (to varying degrees).
There are a lot of things I need to know in life, but probably an even greater number of things that it's either nice to know or I don't need to know at all. For work, it's important to know the physical environment and how it operates (policies and procedures), who works there, and the people we serve. Less important is knowing all of the details of everyone's personal life, where the spare toothbrushes are stored or how much everyone gets paid. You tend to remember the important stuff, and know where to look or who to ask for the other stuff.
Outside of work, I also prioritize what I choose to understand and remember. Examples of things I choose not to understand/remember:
- Algebra (it has been 40 years since I learned it and I still haven't used it)
- Suggested Retail Price (it's just something made up with no link to reality)
- Why does anyone care about what anyone named Kardashian says or does?
- What possessed Lincoln Chaffee (and several other equally notables) to run for President?
- Street names (I can get where I want to go in Burlington but usually have no idea of the name of the street)
- Fairs (they are often little more then open-air psychiatric units)
- Who is my State Representative? (I have no idea and not knowing hasn't done any harm)
- What are the names of the prescription medications I take? (I know some, but I can just look at the bottles)
- When did I get divorced? (I would need to find the divorce papers; but it really doesn't matter)
- When are various relative's birthdays? (Fortunately, my wife remembers these things)
- Why are any of the Real Housewives shows on television?
- How did we ever do our taxes correctly ourselves before Turbo Tax?
These are just a few examples; there are probably hundreds more. I am also sometimes amazed at some of the stuff that I remember that seems pretty useless (history, quotes, etc.). As long as I can remember or research the important stuff, though, it's OK.
Like Emo, there are things in life that just work, I am not sure why, and I don't really need to know.

Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage

The title of this piece is a quote from fellow curmudgeon HL Mencken. Although he died over half a century ago, his jaundiced view of politics seems just as relevant today. The current contest to be elected President, although in its' early stages, is a prime example of this.
With all of the people running for the Republican nomination, everyone is wanting attention, and is saying whatever they need to in order to get it. The recent debate was reminiscent of a dysfunctional family Thanksgiving dinner, with the adult table and the children's' table. Although I chose not to watch the entire debate, the news clips clearly communicated the substance (not much) and the entertainment value of the event.
Will the future debates that are planned have any substance? While I have my doubts, the field will likely narrow as some of the lesser-known candidates fade into obscurity where they belong and drop out. If enough do this, the children's table will go away. In the end, we may be left with three or four candidates, although the way polls change, it's hard to know for sure who they will ultimately be. In the last campaign cycle, Herman Cain was flying high at the top of the polls for awhile, and faded quickly. Just about anything is possible. Pundits say that Donald Trump will eventually fade, but his bombast and total aversion to etiquette in the meantime is priceless.
For the  Democrats, you have Hillary, Bernie, and former Maryland governor Martin O'Malley.  Hillary has the baggage of being associated with the sometimes-sleazy Clinton Political Machine, Bernie is a nice guy who is totally ineffectual as a legislator, and O'Malley is just not doing or saying anything to get any attention. Would any of them make an effective President? It is hard to imagine.
Right now, the monkey cage is crowded and most of the inhabitants are doing little more than throwing poop at each other. While entertaining, it hardly instills confidence in any of them. Hopefully, as the cage becomes less crowded, the remaining candidates will do a better job of convincing you that they deserve your vote.
Then again, maybe not, but that's democracy.

Trump: He had an asshole transplant, but it rejected him

The part of the title about a transplant comes from the punch line of an old Monty Python joke. While the Pythons were referring to Richard Nixon, it could equally be applied to Donald Trump. As the (by several standard deviations) most colorful presidential candidate, I look forward, usually in amazement, to what he will say next.
For example, he recently made the boast that he would build a fence at the southern border and "make Mexico pay for it". Really? I would like to see the reaction of the President of Mexico when Trump sends him the bill. If it  were me, it would go right into the recycle container. The Mexican President's reaction might be different, but I doubt it involves getting out his checkbook.
A few days back, he gave out Lindsey Graham's personal cell phone number at a political rally. If he thinks that something this crass is perfectly OK to do and demonstrates sound judgment, is this the man you want to trust with the nuclear codes?
I was especially amused when he described Hillary Clinton as the "absolute worst Secretary of State in the history of the country". What he seems to have forgotten is that he donated to Clinton's political campaign when she ran for Senator from New York. One has to wonder: Is he lying now or did he just have terrible judgment back then when he made the donation? I am sure it would not be a question to which he would respond gracefully.
In today's news, Trump has "banned" the Des Moines Register from covering his political events because he became piqued at one of their editorials when they suggested that he was a blowhard and should drop out of the presidential race. If you think about it, this is pretty much empty rhetoric. Nothing would stop a reporter (minus cameras and other bulky equipment) from walking in with the rest of the crowd, observing and reporting. It just goes to show he has a pretty thin skin for anyone who uses the same approach toward him that he uses toward others.
While you may have surmised that I would never vote for Donald Trump for anything, I sincerely hope that this transplant recipient stays in the presidential race purely for the entertainment value. He makes pretty much anyone else look good.